Faith in Crisis

I am a Christian. I have strong belief. I strongly believed that God is the only God. I believe there is Holy Spirit and it is working in th midst. I believed I can pray in tongue, miracle healings and wondrous signs.

Being a Christian over 10 years. I have been through identity crisis not once but twice. Questioning myself am I really a Christian or a muddled Christian?

During my first crisis, I believed that I am really redeemed by the blood of God through the ability to speak in tongue.

During my second crisis, I believed that I am really a Christian and I believe that God is real when I received healing and when I see miraculous healing really taking place.

Now. Now I am already 24 years old. I have somewhat stopped reading bible. I have also somewhat not believing that speaking in tongue comes from God. I have stop believing in miracles as they seem seriously more and more unrealistic. I find that it is tougher and tougher to stay strong in faith. I feel that God seemed like a past thing and as I grow old, I felt that the belief is being shaken inside out outside in. I am really lost and do not know to continue to stay true to my belief.

The need to move and become a non believer is even more realistic. I am going to be contradicting over here. I believe that once you believe in God, you will not be able to deny that God is in charge of your life through and through. Thus by not going for service, cell group and bible study does not make one become a non believer. One is just avoiding the situation.

Now being in a family, as the head decided to shift to another place to learn more about God, I will need to shift too. But to be truthful over here, although I believe that we need to go to another place to further our knowledge about the bible, I do not think I want to shift. I am not ready.

I hate this dilemma. Really. This dilemma hurts my head. I now find that I am someone who hate to have lots of changes.

Ok. That's all for now. Dilemma after dilemma. I really do not like it. Give me a break.